It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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