I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
