its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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