i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
