She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize