I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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