Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
