Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
