My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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