I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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