Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
