I didn't shave. On purpose
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
