So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
