How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
