i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
