Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
