She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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