Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
