I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
