I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
