nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
