WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
