Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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