Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
