ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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