You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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