It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
