She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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