I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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