you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
