she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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