dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
