White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
