gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
