I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
