After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
