we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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