I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize