We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
