there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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