so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
