Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
