Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize