We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
