He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
