I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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