this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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