At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Randomize
