Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
