This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
