So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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