Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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