someone owes me an orgasm
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
