if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
