I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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