It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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