just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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