I hate all girls vehemently.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
