I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
