His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Can I color on your dick again?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
