areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize