even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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