the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
