I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Less talking, more tequila
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
