how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
