all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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