Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
