Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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