i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
