He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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