I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
