Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I didn't notice because vodka
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
