Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
