this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
