The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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