new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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