I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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