So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
