So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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