Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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