after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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