I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
