The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
