don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
