Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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