Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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