I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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