I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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